A whirlwind recap

My faithful readers, at long last I have returned to catch you up on last week's TV. But first let me show you this little picture that ScottE dug up on a gay website. As you can see - something is not-so-straight in the partying ways of TAR's Eric & Jeremy as well as BJ & Tyler. Now I only hope this was taken after the show, because if these guys are all in the final 3, it's gonna be a loooong season.


In Lost this week, we received more information on Locke's backstory, but alas nothing about his legs. We did discover, however that he proposed to Katey Sagal, but she rejected him. My, she's come a long way since Married With Children, hasn't she?

The big revelations came with the hatch. We had a "lockdown" situation in which a map full of so much information it could make your head spin was revealed. (2 links there - check them both out.) The main thing we know - more hatches! Perhaps as many as seven. Also we learned that I was right - Henry Gale is not in fact Henry Gale, but the Evil Guy Formerly Known As Henry Gale. I still say he's an "Other." Not to mention the fact that he seemed to have adequate knowledge to open the blast doors despite what he says.

Over on Top Chef, it was all about quick convenience cooking, whether it was with food you can buy at a gas station, or microwave recipes. It wasn't all that thrilling, although I got a little behind Dave this week. Tiffani was still pretentious, and even though he narrowly escaped elimination, Stephen continued to inform the audience why he was the greatest thing ever in the history of forever. And I continued to blow raspberries at him.

And now for a recap of Top Model, as I know a few of you are not watching, but depend on my snarky commentary for your weekly amusement. Never fear, I'm happy to oblige.

The episode began with the girls having no reaction to Kari leaving whatsoever, which is exactly how I felt. So it was time to move into their training session for the week - learning commercial versus "editorial" modeling. Now I admit I was not really sure what was meant by editorial - just as confused as when Nina Garcia used it to describe a garment made by Santino. A quick search helped me realize that it's merely a way of saying the piece of work (dress, advertisement, etc.) is trying to convey an opinion. Or something. Whatever - basically it boils down to the fact that Janice Dickinson returned to show them which is which. In commercial ads, models should look happy like they've just snorted cocaine. In editorial ads, models should look like they are sexy, but perhaps unaware of it.

The girls then have lunch with Janice. The only moment of significance was that Janice asked Gina who is upsetting her so much, and the reply was (of course) Jade. Janice then called Gina a bitch for ratting out Jade. Harsh! But I didn't care, because Gina's a moron and I hate her.

For the challenge, the girls are at a photo shoot for the Sears catalog. They run from station to station, portraying each of the four seasons while showing off the merchandise. It happens fast and it's hard to tell who does well, but you will be shocked to hear that Nnenna wins yet again. (The prize - all the Sears clothes. Well whoop-di-doo.)

Speaking of Nnenna, we learn this week that she has a controlling boyfriend. He is constantly suspicious that she's flirting with other men. I'm sure you've all met someone like this guy. HATE.

Next the girls go see Tyra backstage between her tapings of her talk show. Does anyone watch that? I assume it sucks, but I was curious. (Why watch that when I could be watching Ellen Degeneres?) Anywho, she asks the girls what they all dream of doing with their lives besides modeling. (Translation - only 1 or 2 of you will actually get work as models, so have some goals!)

At the photo shoot, the girls will each portray an editorial shoot (again, somewhat sexy) of her chosen dream goal that's not modeling. And they will pose with one of 5 half-naked stud models. One of them was slightly beefcake for me, but they all had that "dumb but pretty" model thing going on, so I barely remember them.

Joanie was one of the surprise hits, even though she was portraying "Stay At Home Mom." Leslie also got a hit again this week, portraying Justice in her role as "Lawyer." Hot! Sarah was also hot doing the legal thing.

Jade was trying to work the whole "Too Hot For Teacher" vibe, but I thought her wig was so clearly fake that she appeared to have a mop on her head. Gina was lousy as a fashion designer. Oh, and Nnenna basically made out with her model during the shoot, and gave him a stiffie. You can imagine how well that went over with her boyfriend.

When the girls go to judging panel, they have to strike some commercial and editorial poses in front of the judges. It's all so quick and fake that it just made me laugh. So sad the way these girls are forced to denigrate themselves on camera for my idle amusement.

Anyway, 10 beautiful girls, only 9 photos. The final 2 end up being Gina (of course) and Brooke. You knew Brooke would be after how much screentime she got in the first 10 minutes of the show. I didn't really get why - I guess the judges thought that her "weirdly pretty" thing had worn off. Luckily they instead choose to send Gina packing, and she's so dumb that she probably still thinks she won the show. Sadly this ends the Gina-Jade duality of drama. Who will Jade pick on next?

Phew! I think that catches y'all up. Tonight we return to The Amazing Race, which I'm sure will be a non-elimination leg. And stay tuned for a discussion on recent weeks of Grey's Anatomy, after I watch the episode I have on TiVo.

Also on Thursday - the return of Commander in Chief! Yay! Sure it got moved to another night, but now it doesn't conflict with TAR, which is good! I have nothing but exclamation points to describe it!

(On a sad note, it looks like Showtime will not get Arrested Development, as the creator is bailing. He sucks. I hate him.)