Hair today, gone tomorrow

When we last left the young bitches-in-training on America's Next Top Model, some girl was elminated, but she was so dull we forgot about her. But apparently Melrose didn't, because in the confessional she's sad thinking about Christian leaving. She really thinks she'll have to step it up this week to stay in the competition.

The girls first join the J's at breakfast, where they supposedly will be getting good advice. But all they show (and I'm sure the best the girls got) is OJ telling them that if you're a strong person, you have to find a way to use your life experiences to portray vulnerability. He points this out in particular to Megan, which instantly sends a chill through my heart, because I know how this show is edited.

When the girls return to the house, we discover why they had to get them out for breakfast - this year the makeover salon is going to take place right in the living room of their house. And who's going to do their new looks? Oh just a little man you may have heard of called Frederick Fekkai. Impressive, no? Tyra reveals what all the looks will be like, and then it's off to work. Some girls get longer hair (like Megg and Eugena), others get it all chopped off (like Jaeda). Several just have their hair dyed dramatically different (like Megan). But poor Anchal has to have her hairline reshaped, and I don't understand what they did, but it looked painful.

But as usual, the makeover time is not without drama. AJ bitches about her look, even though it's practically the same as what she had. Jaeda sobs about having all her hair cut short (a'la Halle Berry). And Monique wails over the fact that America is seeing her without her weave. Whatever! Get over it bitch. And in fact, in a surprising turn of events, OJ shows some character by making them all feel guilty for being so inconsiderate of their guest stylist. After 7 seasons of this, he's just fed up. Um, I never thought I'd say this, but...you go, Jay!

Properly chastised, the girls adjust to their new looks. Also we find out that people still don't like Monique. More on that later.

Tyra Mail brings this week's challenge, which takes the girls to a hotel. OJ meets them there, and explains what is perhaps the weirdest challenge ever. First, each girl will have 60 seconds to grab some of Cover Girl's new Queen collection make-up, and then they need to run to the elevator. They'll need to apply their look in the elevator, and if they miss the doors, they are SOL. At the 15th floor, they pop out and get a minute to find a dress. Then it's to the 25th floor to pick up shoes, and finally to the penthouse to face their judge from CG. So apparently a top model needs to learn how to make herself presentable fast while finding her clothes strewn about a hotel after a night of drunken partying? Whatever. On with the challenge!

Right away things are looking up, as Monique misses the door and is eliminated. Ha! At the shoe floor, Megg misses the doors, so she's gone also. Then they meet the CG rep - Queen Latifah herself! And her makeup stylist. The girls present their looks, which are mostly pretty good, but I'm still bothered by Eugena's bad skin. CariDee looks RIDICULOUS, with some kind of wrap on her head, and a shirt-as-skirt look. She calls it "beachwear" - I call it "housefrau." Anyway, ultimately they pick Eugena as the winner, which I found baffling. Eugena gets to pick 2 friends to share in the prize - she chooses CariDee and Jaeda. The next day they will get to do a shoot together for a special web ad for Cover Girl. Sounds great, but I defy anyone to actually find said ad on the internet!

Back at the house, Ms. Monique is bitter over not being able to meet Queen Latifah, and Amanda quite rightly guesses that she'll take it out on the house. Indeed, Monique decides to then get on the house phone for 3 1/2 hours. As if that weren't enough, she (and everyone else) knew that Melrose really needed the phone, as she had to talk to her landlord about getting back her $1,800 deposit, and it had to happen today! Instead of confronting Monique, though - they all just make fun of her. But then finally one woman warrior steps forward to defy the diva - it's Anchal! I know! Ms. Formerly Timid steps in and tries to hang up the phone, getting into a shouting match about how Monique has no respect for others. It was DIVINE if you like reality TV drama like I do! Eventually Monique gets off the phone when no one is around, and to herself makes fun of the other girls' perky attitudes. That is one hard-core bitch, and she might be f'd up crazy to boot. Let me put it this way - she's starting to make Jade look stable.

Anywho, now that the storm has passed, the girls head to this week's photo shoot. OJ introduces 3 "weavologists" who compete in an event called "Hair Wars." If you haven't seen it, it's basically like hair sculpture, which has to be worn by a person. Lots of bright colors, and - I'm serious - moving parts. At first I was like, "They just got makeovers and already are covering up their new hairdos?" But the shoot is actually pretty cool, so forget that.

First up is Monique, and she gets some real praise from OJ for pulling it out. Pardon my French, but...FUCK. Of the rest of the girls, most do really well, but OJ points out that Megan isn't giving him much emotion, and Jaeda is just giving one expression. Also Eugena is dull. Melrose gets singled out for really giving what she didn't last week - OJ is impressed, and Melrose gets a hug.

And in no time we're at the judging panel. The guest judge this week will be their photographer from the shoot, Tracy Bayne, who has done past shoots for ANTM, including the falling fairy tale women last cycle. There is no stupid judging challenge (please, PLEASE tell me those are a thing of the past for good), so it's time to look at the photos.

AJ has an interesting shot from below which is pretty good, but as Tyra points out - when you're shot that way you have to watch out for "pig nose."

Amanda was my clear favorite this week, surrounded by a huge heart shape in red. Her face is amazingly mature and professional. Well done, twin #1! Tracy points out that Amanda had a clear sense of possibility at the shoot and offered good suggestions.

Anchal is also very strong, covered by a thatched roof of hair, and a spinning bird. But in the midst of it, she has a smokey look with pouty lips - super.

Brooke is trying not to be overshadowed by the plethora of American flags that surround her face, but she has a nice doe-eyed innocence here.

CariDee has a good pose, but it somehow comes off as "drag queen." I'm torn, because the shot is absolutely a good one, but you expect to see "Kristy Kreme" printed at the bottom of the shot.

Eugena...zzzzzzzzzz. What? Huh? I'm sorry, what was I talking about?

Jaeda just looks pissed off.

Megan has these weird spinning Princess Leia honeybuns on the side of her head, and she just looks young and cute.

Megg is fine, but I'm distracted by the fact that her mascara was glopped on very heavy and is clumping all over the place.

Melrose is trying to play the ugly/beautiful card, looking like a crazed excotic bird with huge rainbow feathers. I have to say, although I'm not a fan, it's a pretty good editorial shot.

Michelle shines again as a shy bird creature, with a slight kiss on her shoulder. Good instinct, twin #2!

Monique hilariously has a spinning trophy at the top of two big brown wings. Her face is lovely, but it's a bit dull.

And then the judges deliberate. Twiggy really thinks Amanda has potential and could be the darkhorse favorite. Tyra is astounded by Anchal's beauty. Nigel is afraid that Brooke is too all-American "cute" and thus not model material. They are all disappointed by Eugena's photo, and (could it be?) Monique's.

12 ladies, 11 photos (They aren't "beautiful" this week? Ouch, Tyra.) - and the first goes to...Melrose! The mighty hath lifted herself back up by her ponytail. Then photos go to Amanda, Michelle, Anchal, Brooke, CariDee, AJ and Megg. Eugena is called out for being dull, but gets a photo anyway. Could it be? No, it couldn't - Monique gets her photo next. Boo! So that leaves Jaeda and Megan. This is not a good sign.

Jaeda and Megan? This week both of you didn't show personality in your photos, letting yourselves become lost amongst all that hair. So will manly Jaeda go home, or very-tragic Megan? The photo goes to...Jaeda. Nooooo!!! I'm sad to see Megan go - I thought she had great potential. But she does come off a tad bubble-headed in her exterview, so perhaps I am wrong.

Next week - more drama with Monique! Ms. J balances on a wire! And a girl goes to the hospital. Let's hope it's because somebody cuts Monique with a hair extension, but more likely it will be "exhaustion."