Top Model Cycle 10 - Catching Up

Welcome back to America's Next Top Model, fierce ladies! Due to internet constraints, I've been a bit behind, but let's do a quick catch-up recap, shall we?

In the beginning, the girls entered "Top Model Academy" also known as pre-judgement from the Js. The girls undergo a runway test while wearing a Catholic schoolgirl's uniform (straight guy's fantasy) and carry a heavy backpack. As is typical at this stage, at least half are totally awful. Then they move onto a "class photo" which strangely involves a fur stole. Uh...what? Because so many high school girls wear fur? Whatev.

Anywho, several are eliminated (they "FAIL") along the way, and only a few are up for final selections. Tyra takes 13 (including 2 girls with names that sound like "Amy") but she decides to keep a 14th, for reasons that are beyond me (Dominique? Really?). I'm just a little sad Kristen didn't make it through, as she's from a suburb of my college town. (Shout out to the 'Zoo!)

I should also mention in the auditions that Marvita is back (just missed the cut last time, but she's in therapy...every Thursday), there was Jenna who wanted to trick out her Impala, Claire has a baby and drinks her breast milk (it's a conservation thing), and Kim is the dumbest bank teller ever.

Anywho, 14 make it through. They then attend a "homecoming" event which is both fun (Former contestants as cheerleaders - hey to Joanie! And the twins! Jael is still alive!) and tragic (Tyra over-acts once again). The long and the short of this incident is that cycle 10 is returning to the show's roots - in New York City. Certainly better than Pasadena!

Once in NYC, the girls first learn that one of the Amy girls has changed her name to Amis (which she insists is in the Bible, which it isn't - that's Amos). Then we head out to their loft apartment. Which apparently the caused extreme damage to over the course of the show! Also we learn a lot about Fatima, who was born and spent her childhood in Somalia - where she was a victim of genital mutilation (not funny). And we hear that Marvita was once homeless but has now overcome her anger issues (becomes funny).

The Js show up and take the girls on a tour of NYC. Then they end up in Times Square for a fashion show - by Badgley Mischka! Hey - this show may actually have credentials now! We also learn that Kim thinks super-expensive fashion is frivolous. Sacrilege! Meanwhile, Whitney is fabulous.

Tragically, this season the Tyra Mail is delivered on a scrolling message board, which the girls feel the need to read in unison. Annoying! This isn't a Montessori School!

In the fashion show, Marvita just looks at the ground, not unlike what I do on the way to work each day. Kim is also pretty lousy. Meanwhile Whitney the plus-sized model kind of rocks it.

Later, the girls meet that weird guy from Elite, and supermodel Paulina Porizkova! She is honestly harsh in assessing the girls' potential as models. To Dominique (the one who looks like a total transvestite), Paulina says that she looks like a drag version of Robin Wright Penn. True! Paulina is already kind of awesome.

For the fashion shoot, the girls pose as homeless girls - with actual recovering homeless girls. Tacky? You decide! This of course gives an edge to both Marvita and Fatima (who have both lived on the skids in the past). But in other news, these 2 sistahs hate each other.

Eventually it's time for judging. Twiggy is gone (remember?), so Paulina steps in as the new judge - ooo, burn! Along the way we learn that Polish-born Katarzyna (henceforth known as "Kat") is too beautiful for words, Whitney is fierce, and Atalya is forgettable (who?). And then in a shocker, Kim confesses that she doesn't really support the fashion industry - she just doesn't believe you should pay so much for clothes. Sacrilege! Tyra asks if she really wants to be there. She doesn't. And so, she's let go. Dang! Also, Ms. J is now wearing a vest with velcro-attached names for each girl. He/she unceremoniously rips off Kim's name right after she walks out. Harsh! And also, awesome.

But Tyra isn't letting the girls off that easy - there is still an elimination. It comes down to Amis (who sucked and has a dumb made-up name) and Atalya (who?). Amis is given a pass. Atalya, who was scared to be away from home (she is from the far-off hamlet of Brooklyn) is happy to go home and see her family.

The next episode can be summed up pretty fast - Allison thinks she has all kinds of experience, and thinks Fatima is a beeyotch. This is expressed in a passive-aggressive and borderline racist manner.

The girls get their makeovers (which are not earth-shattering, although Fatima cries over her weave), and head to a photo shoot to promote the new lingerie line by Elle Macpherson. While Allison touts her Pilates and vast experience (which means she sucks), newcomer Lauren (this cycle's Megg) is so wrong she's right.

The judges bring it down to transvestite-looking Dominique and conceited Allison. We are spared the narcissist, and too-tan Dominique makes it through.

So how will I handicap the remaining girls? Here are my thoughts:

Amis - Although she's got bad skin and looks awkward, the fact that she's been so trashed on so early might mean she stays for awhile. But I think she's a hot mess and won't last long.

Aimee - A.K.A. "The Forgettable." I know she's got a pretty face, but I keep confusing her with the far more attractive Kat, which is never a good sign.

Anya - She's from Hawaii now, but her true origins are a mystery, because her accent is bizarre. Seriously, where is this bitch from? Tyra loves her, but I'm not impressed.

Whitney - Our plus-sized girl for this season is fierce in a way that no other real woman has been on the show before. I'm not wild about her Wynnona Judd haircut after the makeover, but I'm hopeful she'll make it close to the finals!

Marvita - A bitch on the edge. She will either win this, or have a breakdown and punch out one of the girls. The sick part of me hopes for the latter.

Stacy Ann - She has an annoying voice and for some reason always wanted to know how to do a lap dance. This clearly means she's destined to be a stripper, so let's leave it at that.

Claire - My current favorite, this young mother has an edgy look that is just different enough to be truly exciting. I love her, and can't imagine hating her (yet).

Lauren - She's the punk rock girl who has the motor skills of a 1 year old child. But that "so wrong she's right" thing can take her far. I predict she's around for awhile until it's clear she "doesn't want this badly enough."

Fatima - She has the ultimate sob story, but she also seems to be a bit of a pretentious beeyotch. She will either win, or be the closest thing we have to a Jade this cycle. (And don't we all miss Jade just a bit?)

Dominique - Maybe she's a man. Maybe she fake-and-bakes too much. Whatever the issue, I think she's so unattractive. Here's hoping she's eliminated very soon.

Katarzyna - Kat has traditionally gorgeous features, and her Polish background makes her a bit mysterious. She's my dark horse pick for the cycle, but is in danger of the "no personality" elimination.

So what do you think? Who is destined to be America's Next! Top! Model?!?!?