High In The Sky

The show opens on America's Next Top Model this week with a series of brief interviews with nearly all the girls. We get a little more insight into their relationships. We learn that Janet tries to act like the house mother. She is above such childish things as the naked race between Jenah and Chantal. Well, I would be too, but that's more the gay thing. Meanwhile Ambreal tells us she is going to be trying really hard, blah-blah. Red herring. Janet is narrating most of this opening sequence. Cue "Taps."

For this week's training session, the girls go to a gym to practice posing with Benny Ninja. But on a trampoline! That's crazy, Tyra! Actually it's kind of boring. I mean, unless you're like an Olympic trampoline athlete (have you seen that shit?), you don't get to jump very high. So it's not so much posing as it is flailing. Heather and Ebony find it particularly challenging. Ambreal the dancer excels.

Janet narrates. Uh oh.

So let's move onto the challenge of the week. The girls meet Olympic ice skater Lloyd Eisler. They will be doing some posing while being lifted on the ice! Now that's actually interesting. Judging the challenge will be a rep from Seventeen magazine, Benny, and former winner Danielle (whom I will not refer to as "Dani" no matter how often the show shoves it down my throat). The girls practice, and then go for it.

Unfortunately the challenge is hampered by the fact that Benny shouts out an emotion they are supposed to portray while managing to execute a complex lift. This leads to unbearably cheezy smiles from Ebony and Ambreal in particular. Heather, bless her heart, can't even get off the ground. But we do get some nice posing from Jenah and Bianca. Unbelievably, the judges "unanimously voted" for Lisa, even though she appeared to kind of suck. I swear there are things they don't show us, because no way she was the best.

Janet narrates. Figured out what's coming?

Anywho, this naturally leads to jealousy and trash-talking both in the green bus and at home. Jenah and Bianca in particular are spreadin' the shit. I'd give them a hard time, but I'm with them on this one.

Photo shoot time, and the girls head up to the top floor of a high hotel. This is when we learn that Ambreal is deathly afraid of heights. She pulls it together enough to listen to OJ explain the shot. They will be standing on a short platform, to give the illusion that they're on the edge of the building. And they will be high fashion "gargoyles". But look at the pictures, children - how on earth are these gargoyle-like?

Whatever, I don't get to argue. The girls all get nearly identical outfits and fake ponytails. Now pose! OJ is bothered that Sarah isn't being creative, and Janet lacks anything interesting. Ebony still looks like she's swallowed a lemon when talking to OJ, yet she's all fierce in her photo. What's up with that? And Ambreal manages to overcome her fear enough to get through the shoot, although she isn't amazing.

Janet hopes she did well. Let's see, shall we?

Time for panel. There are prizes, there are judges. The guest judge is Benny. I confess I'm tiring of him. But on with the critiques!

Ambreal looks like some weird model-bot. And it's not just her eyes that are dead - she's dead from the neck up. Can you get full-head botox injections?

Bianca really brought it this week, as she is comfortable in her (bald) skin. Her photo isn't too scary/gargoyle, but it's definitely high-fashion.

Chantal's photo is more men's magazine to me, but the judges think it errs on the side of tasteful.

Ebony pulls off making an awkward pose look really hot. Yet she still won't really smile for the judges! She confesses that she's self-conscious about her gums. I don't buy that, as she was all smiles during the semi-finals show. You notice we don't even see interviews with her? I swear something odd is going on there.

Heather's shot is pretty good, but not her best. The judges rightly point out that every week her best shot has been in profile. They really want to see her do something more frontal, as she's beautiful. Hear-hear!

Janet's photo is just...wrong. She looks tiny, her leg is odd, her expression just looks mad. It's bad. (Not Viva Laughlin bad, but still.)

Jenah has a pose that isn't very unique, but she does manage to show off her long legs to good effect.

Lisa really brought it! She's showing movement and emotion. You get a nice sense of the clothes. And the pose is interesting. Love!

The judges think Saleisha looks pretty good, but I think it's ass. Frankly, the photo makes her look chubby in the face, and the pose is bizarre. Hate it. I would have totally put her in the bottom two.

Sarah's photo isn't bad, it's just not interesting. She does a very generic model pose. And if you showed me the photo without telling me who it was, I don't think I'd know it was her.

The judges deliberate, and discuss such matters as Lisa being fierce, and Janet needing too much direction. Nigel comments that he thinks "this is the last week we can let [Ebony] get away with not smiling in front of us." She is on notice! This will either mean she goes soon, or will have "the journey" and make the final two.

Ten girls, nine photos. First photo of course goes to Lisa. And then the remaining photos go to Bianca, Ebony, Chantal, Jenah, Saleisha, Heather, and Sarah. Will Ambreal and Janet please step forward?

Ambreal, you need to show that you are not made of plastic and metal. Janet, you just haven't delivered. Like at all. So the last photo goes to...Ambreal.

Janet thinks the modeling world has a lot to offer her, and she can't wait to see what it has in store. I'm guessing modeling JC Penney fashions at the mall in Ft. Worth, but what do I know?

Next week - the girls learn how to talk good. Hopefully by getting grammar lessons.