Meltdown Under

When we last left the catty girls of America's Next Top Model, they said good-bye to Jael and her love-spreading. Renee has done a 180 and now misses Jael, her former sworn enemy. Some would call that growth. I would call it two-faced.

Then we get a little tidbit from Dionne, Private Investigator. She points out that Brittany was using her short-term memory loss as an excuse at panel. And yet, when they did the acting challenge a few weeks back, somehow Brittany new all of her lines just fine. Dionne? Thinks the lady doth protest too much. I would agree - I'm betting that Brit does have a slight memory issue, but she was exaggerating it for sympathy.

The girls then head out to their challenge for the day - it's go-see time! They meet Priscilla Leighton Clark, who runs her own model management company. It's the usual deal - go and see designers, take your portfolios, and be back ON TIME. In this case, 4:30. And they're off!

You have to admit it's easier this year. Not only do they get to ride in cabs, but everyone speaks English. Anywho, they go, they see. Things go well for most of the girls. Dionne even scores some free schwag by blatantly asking some of the designers if she can keep what she's modeling. And a few actually say yes!

Meanwhile, Brit is having a tough time of it. She keeps having trouble with simple directions, and then makes the foolish decision (which any Top Model fan can tell you) of trying to squeeze in just one more visit. Which of course backfires. For some reason Brittany claims that she told her cab driver to meet her at the last place, but the tape shows she did no such thing.

Anywho, back at Priscilla's, Renee and Dionne arrive ahead of schedule, and then Jaslene pops in with a minute to spare. Natasha - not so much, she's a minute late. Then Priscilla comes out and tells her as much. Nat is genial about it and goes to wait outside. Moments later Brit arrives, and Nat breaks the bad news that she's late. And then Brittany? Goes ape-shit. She wails, she cries, she bitches. And it's still all the cabbie's fault. Natasha points out that Brittany should calm down because, "Some people have war in their countries." Well, that's true but a bit odd. What's HILARIOUS is that Priscilla and the girls inside can hear it all, and Priscilla can't even get through her discussion. She finally quips, "Well, I take it Brittany knows she's been disqualified." Ha!

She goes on to say that the designers thought that Renee was pleasant, but perhaps a bit commercial. They felt that Dionne was great, but had some issues with posture. And they really liked Jaslene. In fact, she's the challenge winner! She's never won before, and is so excited. She gets to pick a friend to share the prize, and Jaslene goes for Dionne. The prize turns out to be a photo shoot on top of a high bridge shot by Nigel Barker. The photos are great.

After receiving Tyra mail, the girls eventually figure out that today they'll have the annual Tyra-as-photographer shoot. OJ fills them in that in fact they will be doing 2 shoots each. The first will be for a woman's magazine shot by Tyra, so they have to be soft and sensual. Then they'll be shot for a men's magazine by a male photographer, so they should bring sexy back. And in both they'll pose with a male model. So to recap - artistic shot first, then slut it up.

The photo shoot goes as you might expect. Jaslene starts soft but gets strong. Renee takes awhile but then hits her stride. Brittany has to find a way to release her sexuality, and then she's golden. Dionne requires too much direction. And Natasha has to be told repeatedly to dial it down from "late 70s porn."

It's time for panel! Prizes. Judges. Guest judge this week is Priscilla, which should be delicious.

But before the judgements, I must digress into a side story. My wonderful friend BMW went to New York recently with his wonderful partner, and at a show of Spring Awakening he saw none other than Tyra herself, sitting with Benny Medina. BMW reports that she was quite beautiful to behold. And as if that wasn't enough, later in the trip he spotted Nigel Barker (noted fashion photographer), who was stunningly hot. It's nice to hear that it's not all just the magic of TV - they really are beautiful! Thanks for the celeb sighting report, BMW!

And now, onto the judging:

Brittany's two shots look quite nice, although her men's magazine shot is better. But just as the judges are all in love with her, Priscilla drops the bomb about Brit's meltdown on go-see day. Tyra is NOT amused.

Dionne looks decent, but the judges point out that she always looks so angry in her shots. They just can't figure it out. I'm starting to think it's her eyebrows - they have a serious arch that I think makes her always appear to be critical.

Jaslene rocked it, and I think she's back in my top 2. Her men's shot is H-O-T. Ms. J points out that even with hair swept across her face, Jaslene's eyes pierce through the camera. Way to go, Cha-Cha Diva!

Natasha is all sexy, as you might expect, but she was able to keep it nice and tasteful. Tyra points out that Nat needs to "find her neck."

Renee's shots are a bit more graceful, but she bores me a bit.

The judges deliberate. And I have to tell you that who was going home was so not a mystery. So instead we should analyze the allegiances here. Twiggy has turned into a rabid Natasha fan. Ms. J is all about Jaslene (drag queen to drag queen, of course). I think that Nigel feels strongest about Renee. And I believe that Tyra really wants Dionne to succeed the most, but is disappointed that she's falling short. Hmmm...

5 girls, 4 photos. The first goes to Jaslene! And then Natsha and Renee. Will Dionne and Brittany step forward?

Dionne, don't look so mean! Brittany, don't freak out in earshot of people! Of course Dionne gets the photo.

Brittany is dumbfounded in her exterview, as she reports that she's "not an emotional person." Compared to whom? Tammy Faye?

Next week - it's down the wire, and the girls soak up some Aboriginal culture. Also Renee is back to her scheming ways, this time trying to oust Natasha. Drama!

And as for final predictions? I gotta tell ya - I'm starting to think that Natasha is looking like "the girl who went on a journey."