Everything old is still old again

Yes, the Emmys were on last night. No, I didn't watch them.

Maybe it was out of protest for the snubbing of Lost in all major categories. Or the fact that we had better plans (a preview of Shakespeare Theatre's production of Ibsen's An Enemy of the People - an incendiary winner). But most likely it was because I knew that the Emmys would do what they have always done and fall back on awarding the same old people.

And indeed they did. I mean, I love Megan Mullally as much as the next person, but are they honestly saying she was better than Jaime Pressly? How many times can Mariska Hargitay really win? And is it any surprise that the Oscars win for Directing of a Variety Program every year?

Plus I have every right to be bitter that Chandra Wilson was denied a trophy!

Still, the stupid new nomination process at least helped a few newcomers get up to the podium. Even though I've never seen Entourage, there's no denying that Jeremy Piven is a stud and deserving of a trophy. And isn't it nice that Julia Louis-Dreyfuss has reclaimed some of the post-Seinfeld spotlight (in a good way)?

I am sad I missed a couple choice moments. I understand that Conan O'Brien's opening montage was killer. And seeing all three original Charlie's Angels on stage would have been nice (I was always a Sabrina man, myself - love ya, Kate Jackson!).

Lest you think I'm completely bitter, I'd like to give it up to two bright spots I saw in the awards. So here's to Leslie Jordan, who finally earned his due for years of playing Beverly Leslie on Will & Grace! And there's no denying the excellence of The Amazing Race when it walks away with the trophy once again. (Although I'm ready for those statuettes to start going to Project Runway now, thank you very much.)

In fact, I think it's time I started giving out my OWN awards. Because we all know that my opinion has to be better than an auditorium of industry types, right? After all, I am the audience! I am everyman!

So may I present the winners of the first annual Footsie Awards for Television! Winners may email me for information on how to receive their trophys (which are shaped like an ankle sock in the finest 8k gold plate). I won't cover every category the Emmys do, because contrary to popular belief, I don't really watch all that much TV.

Best Drama - Lost

It's inventive, it has a dynamic cast, and it's appointment TV.

Best Actor in a Drama - Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

Although it's tough to pick out one man in such a strong cast, I really loved his performance as Eko the most.

Best Actress in a Drama - Yunjin Kim

All the women are great on Lost, but y'all know I love me some Sun. Remember the hug at the end of the pregnancy episode? Priceless. (Honorable mention to Geena Davis, by the way.)

Best Supporting Actor in a Drama - Michael Emerson

C'mon, there is no denying that not-Henry was super-creepy.

Best Supporting Actress in a Drama - Chandra Wilson

I can sum it up in one word - "vajay-jay."

Best Comedy - Arrested Development

Dead before it's time - that's for sure.

Best Actor in a Comedy - Jason Bateman

Again, a strong ensemble cast, but Jason is just so adorable.

Best Actress in a Comedy - Jessica Walter

Lucille Bluth is an amazing character creation.

Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy - Will Arnett

I have to give props to a man that played every scene to the hilt - Gob is a real larger-than-life character.

Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy - Jaime Pressly

I don't watch My Name Is Earl regularly, but whenever I do, she is the best part and always makes me laugh - hard.

Best Variety Program - The Soup

Yes, I could extoll the humor of The Daily Show. But the place where I get the news I really care about is on E!

Best Competitve Reality Program - Project Runway

As much as I love my TAR, its quality has declined a bit, while Runway just keeps getting better. It's professionally done and always exciting.

Best Non-Competitve Reality Program - What Not to Wear

Although I've recently been taken with Mike Rowe on Dirty Jobs, I find that I find WNTW to be enjoyable every time, even if the lessons don't change all that much. Clinton and Stacy are my friends!