Dumpster diving

I'm here at last with my recap of this week's Project Runway. Perhaps I was putting it off because it didn't end the way I wanted it to. Oops, sorry - spoiler!

When last we left our sartorial staff, they had bid farewell to Bradley. Even the fact that he used Tresemme hair products was not enough to spare him from a lack of Cher knowledge. For now we join Heidi at the runway. She taunts them by saying the previous challenges have been "too easy" and that things will be much tougher from here on out. Angela protests loudly. She worked so hard on those rosettes! But there's no time to dwell on that - let's bring out some models. Back to the traditional method, the winner (Michael) chooses to keep Nazri, or take Bradley's model instead. He wisely keeps his new muse, so Katie is sent packing.

The designers' day starts off painfully early when Tim knocks on their doors at 5 a.m. No open-toed shoes. I feel their pain - I had to wake up at an ungodly hour for jury duty this week! For the designers, they are shuttled off in vans on a field trip. Where will they end up? Soon they are seen going into New Jersey. Laura, a typical Manhattan elitist, shudders.

Eventually they are brought to a warehouse. What could it be? It turns out to be...a recycling plant! Tim announces that the challenge will be to create a garment using all recycled materials. So in other words, they have a budget of nothing. After a brief (pointless) introduction to the plant director, the designers go off in search of source materials. Kayne is happy as a clam, taking caps off of plastic bottles to use. Don't ask me why. He's just happy to be back to his apparent white trash roots. Vincent is grabbing miscellaneous crap. Just like usual! Before they leave, Michael is sitting beat-boxing, and Laura tries to dance in what I assume she thinks is "street." It's bad but funny, and Michael starts laughing so hard he begs her to stop. It's hard to describe how hilarious this moment was - these two need their own show!

From there, they head to an art supply store, where they can spend $25 for additional materials. The theory here is that with non-traditional materials, you will need non-traditional things to put them together (tape and so forth). All we see is Jeff buying paint.

Back at the workroom, Tim drops the biggest bomb of the day - they will only have until midnight, plus a short time the following morning to work. And keep in mind, they were up at 5. Ouch! Still, they need to "make it work" so it's time to do modified-F1.

The first thing we see here is that Alison is using a striped paperboard of some type to make a skirt. Jeff is painting newspaper strips. Laura is having fun with a peanut sack, but has folded it so the message across the back of the skirt will read "FOR NUTS ONLY." Vague humor is best for fashion.

Then we have a random scene where Kayne and Robert sit eating lunch and trash-talk about Laura. It's actually rather minor, and I doubt they really hate her - this just reeks of manufactured drama to me. Hey producers - just because Keith is gone, doesn't mean you have to get desperate!

We return to modified-F1, and Vincent believes he is creating "art." This is the first time he speaks the words that make me want to pour bleach on my brain - "It gets me off." NO. Do NOT say that. PLEASE!

Meanwhile, Kayne has taken a big piece of stiff paper to create a giant cone skirt and has painted snot green flowers on it. Could it get worse? Oh yes, it could. He has randomly affixed those plastic bottle caps all over it. It looks like shit, and he knows it.

About mid-day, Alison is struggling with her material. It's just not working, and she has to abandon her stripes completely and try something else. Instead she moves to some paper substance that looks a bit like crepe paper and begins molding a short dress.

Late in the day, Tim arrives to critique. He loves what Uli is doing, braiding mylar and another material that is white. He does everything except tell Kayne he will be booted if he keeps that skirt. Panic time! His concern with Vincent is that it's one-dimensional (or technically, two-dimensional) - he's just glued random crap all over the front of the dress, with the back being plain and white. With Alison he likes the dress, but is concerned that the waist is too shapeless. He calls Alison's model "zaftig" which is an old-school way of saying "plus-sized." Alison talks about what the waist will be like in terms I don't get, but I'm sure mean something to Tim. He seems satisfied.

Kayne scrambles to make a new skirt. He's just crumpling up mylar, and it just looks like trouble. Time to go to bed, my pretties! ("Pretties" being a collective term for "you" and in no way implying that Vincent is pretty, which he's not. Ew.)

On day 2, the designers have only a short while before the models come in. After fitting, it's off to hair and make-up. We see Alison say, "I want all the hair up, on her head." In no way are we prepared for what that will mean! Kayne has his model (the verbose Amanda) in completely wacko eye make-up - like one eye is covered in turquoise sparkle, and the other is...brown? During a down moment, Laura expresses concern to him that she's worried about his choice here. Kayne basically tells her to eff off, that he's worried about her attitude or something, and it just comes off as bitchy. But again, I say he's tired, and it's not real hate. You'll see that at the end of the show, my friends.

Runway time! The judges are Michael, Nina and celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe. I think she actually sucks - she was on Top Model once and gave absolutely no advice that was helpful. Bring back Diane! Whatev - on with the show.

First up we have Jeff's halter dress. It's all made of newspaper, painted in vertical blue and yellow stripes. There is what looks to be a large yellow belt across the middle. I must say, it is innovative, even if it's a bit dark in tone. I don't hate it, and considering I hate him, that's impressive.

Laura has made a very simple sleveless dress with a low-cut front. The rear has the affore-mentioned message across it. But what sets it off is a belt and flower that she's crafted out of black plastic. It's very simple, and of course, it's chic.

Michael has a stylin' outfit - he's also used a peanut bag, but as a shaped skirt with ruching at the bottom. The top is mylar, but it's actually the reverse side, which turns out to be gold. To top off the look, he took a loose plastic tarp, and fashioned it into a wrap, that's pinned at the belt. It's all rather remarkable, as you might not even know what materials he used from a distance.

Similarly, Uli has twisted silver mylar and a white material into vertical braids that form the skirt. Horizontal braids go across the middle, and the sleveless top is just in the white material. It's quite lovely, and doesn't look to be anything other than fabric, actually.

Robert has finally redeemed himself, with a shapely halter dress all in mylar. It's layered all the way down, and a bit looser at the bottom. It's a flattering look, which couldn't come at a better time for him!

And then we see what Alison has done. The dress is a bit poofy - a form-fitting top that lets out over a short bubble skirt. But the apalling thing is that the model's hair has been tied into a giant Minnie Mouse-like bow. It's HIDEOUS! Now she looks like some kind of cream puff confection. Danger, Will Robinson!

Angela, you may remember, likes collages, so she made a big one that hangs over the front of her model in 2 large diamonds - the overall color is purple-blue. Underneath this is a short skirt and a bandeau top in some shiny material I can't identify. Honestly it isn't half-bad, although the diamonds are so stiff that they sort of shift side-to-side as the model does the runway.

Kayne's outfit is so heinous, it defies description. Let's just say there's that ugly green, the skirt is silver, the hair is wild, and the make-up sucks.

Vincent once again misses the mark. It's basically just a long shift dress that is covered in random paper and crap. The model can't even walk - she's shuffling. Stuff falls off left and right. He interviews that it gets him off. ARGH! Stop it!

Scores are tallied, and Uli, Robert and Angela are given a pass to next week. The rest of the designers watch their models come back out onto the runway.

The judges react much as I did, praising Laura's style, Michael's flair, and Jeff's innovation. They call Kayne's outfit "costume-y" and he acknowledges that it's not what he wanted to do. Michael calls Alison's model a "giant brioche" and they don't get the bow either. Vincent gets into an arguement with Nina - she maintains that a garment needs to be wearable, regardless of the artistry. He says it gets him off. SHUT IT!

The judges deliberate, and not much more is said, except they express their disappointment with Kayne and Alison - "What were they thinking?" Michael calls the belt on Jeff's garment trompe l'oeil, which is interesting, and I see that. I saw an exhibit of that type of art at the National Gallery, and it was excellent.

First up, Laura is in. That seems fair - her design was lovely, but pretty simple. And the winner...Michael! Again! I'm so happy. He just rocks. Backstage, he gets hearty congratulations, and Nazri screams with joy. Jeff looks pissed, but he is in. Kayne, who is presumably given a pass for his strong previous work, is in. So that leaves Vincent (who is stubborn and makes comments that hurt me) and Alison (talented but needs to give up this sudden Disney fascination). And Alison? You're...out. Noooo!!! That sucks. REALLY sucks. Is Vincent paying off the producers?

Backstage, we have perhaps the most dramatic post-out scene ever! As Alison comes back in tears, she is embraced by Uli. We stumble on what I understand was an arguement amongst several designers with Vincent, but we only see Laura tell him, "She couldn't move in that thing, Vincent! That's terrible!" Even if you saw that scene, you might have missed her saying that, because the SIDE OF HER BOOB is showing as she leans over! This is full-on, mother-of-five, saggy breast showing. As much as I love her, I think even she would agree this was not one of her more stylish moments. To quell the arguement, Kayne says they need to focus on the fact that these are their final moments with Alison. Well not FINAL, Kayne - she's not being sent to the gas chamber, for pete's sake. Alison receives a warm embrace from Jeff as she departs, interviewing that we haven't seen the last of her. Told ya, Kayne!

Next week - designing for the everyday woman. But you know there's a twist, somehow - I'm banking on maternity wear! That would rock.