August 13, 2006


Recently I made an impulse buy (I know, SHOCKING) and picked up the new DVD edition of Valley of the Dolls. I said to ScottE that I felt like although I hadn't seen it, we would probably secure our gay cards if we watched it.

And on a weekend jaunt to our "country house," we did go ahead and watch the movie with our friend D, who also hadn't seen it before.

This movie is pure classic camp. I would try and explain the plot, but believe me when I say it wouldn't make any sense if I did. Just picture your average Danielle Steel miniseries of women hopping in and out of bed, but throw in some bad show tunes badly done, and a pervasive soundtrack, and you've got yourself the Dolls experience.

What I recommend to you if you want to really enjoy this movie is to follow a few guidelines.

J-Lo's Guide to Viewing Valley

1. Plan to be intoxicated or otherwise in an altered state. (Please note that the author of this blog is in no way encouraging you to take uppers!)

2. Try to identify how a country girl from New England develops the accent Anne has. (Is she the inspiration for Madonna's faux British accent?)

3. Look for similarities between the dancing of Neely and that of Elaine on Seinfeld.

4. Make sure everyone in the room tries to do Jennifer's bust exercise.

5. Turn the movie into a drinking game by tossing one back every time one of the women says "fag." (Example: Jennifer says, "You know how bitchy those fags can be!")

6. Another drinking game would be to chug every time Dionne Warwick breaks in with that ridiculous theme song. "How will I? When will I? Get off this riiiiiiiiiiiiiide..."

7. Try to spot a brief cameo by a young Richard Dreyfuss (hint: it's near the end).

8. Engage in a debate about whether Helen looks better with the wig or without.

9. Cross-reference your viewing experience with the classic quotes listed on IMDB. (The best is probably Neely with "Who's stoned? I am merely traveling incognito.")

10. Laugh, laugh, laugh. (Truly - if you take this movie seriously you will be MOST disappointed.)

Honestly, as wacko as this movie is, it was great fun to watch as a group. D is already planning some type of Dolls theme party. Personally I plan to come with kettlebells, leotard and tights to be "Neely gets in shape!"


ScottE. said...

I'm going out the way I came in!

Nudies. They're all Nudies!

Yes mother. I am doing my breast excercises.

I recommend a few cocktails contain extra amounts of vodka for your increased viewing pleasure.

Stef said...

Sounds fun! Remind me to tell you sometime about my experiences with the play PAPER DOLL. It's about the life of Jackie Susann.

DC Food Blog said...

I personally love the duet sung in the MENTAL INSITUTION. Pure comedy gold.

Selena Kang said...

My mom and dad, not knowing what was on the summer reading lists, gave me the book when I was at the young impressionable age of 13 and forced me to read it. I still joke with my dad about my summer reading that year.

Would LOVE to have a viewing party with you guys sometime! Please please please???? Never saw the movie, and the book is so dear to my heart! :)