Heather and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

The title of this post pretty much sums up what happened on America's Next Top Model this week, but for those of you that want to hear more - read on!

Previously on Top Model - Tyra gave Sarah an eating disorder. Discuss.

This week, Lisa is feeling the pressure of doing well, and wants to get better. Meanwhile, Bianca continues her campaign to try and tear down Heather through mind games. Because Bianca is determined that Heather can't handle the pressure. Foreshadowing!

The girls go to meet Benny Ninja at a fashion institute, and some guy from Elite Model Management, who may or may not be the brother of Adam West. Benny (who I'm tiring of, honestly) explains that with this challenge, the girls will be paired up with some design students who will be trying to create a look using this hideous pale blue mother-of-the-bride dress. The girls will serve as "muses" to "inspire" the students. And then they'll have to sell it in a runway fashion show.

This begins a sequence that calls to mind the bridal dress challenge from season one of Project Runway. The girls chat it up, the designers listen, the girls go home and wait for a miracle.

And while they're at home, Bianca laments that she hasn't won a challenge or been called first at panel. And in an odd shot, it appears Ambreal rubs Jenah's shoulder suggestively. I swear, sometimes I think the camermen on this show are desperate to catch anything remotely lesbionic. Anywho, we have to hear (AGAIN) how Ambreal got a second chance and wants to impress, blah, blah. Then DO SOMETHING, girl!

Now it's time for the show. The girls are thrown a curveball, however. Not only do they have to work the runway, but they will each have to briefly say something pithy (and unscripted) about how they were a muse for their designer. Many worried looks ensue.

First up is Bianca in a ballerina dress that reminds me of that heinous thing Lara Flynn Boyle wore a few years back. But Bianca is eloquent and fierce, which impresses the Elite dude (and some woman from Seventeen, who is also there as a judge). And then Heather, well...she freezes up. She chokes on her words. It's not good. For this she proceeds to (backstage) keen and gnash her teeth and other assorted negative reactions. Methinks that our little Heather is a perfectionist. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just saying. (You want to see perfectionist? Let me tell you how many times I edited this post in the last 10 minutes.)

Anywho, Ambreal is sickeningly cutesy. Jenah is fierce, and should have totally won. Lisa has the best outfit, but also flubs her monologue and weeps about it. Chantal is just average. Saleisha shows confidence, and leaves with a wink. Hilariously, Jenah interviews about the wink and gags. Jenah, you are my hero. Anywho, the judges give critiques (although we only see the best and worst). Saleisha wins and gets to choose two friends to join her in a photo shoot for Seventeen to model jewelry. She chooses Lisa and Bianca. And y'all - as much as I think Bianca can be stank, she took a great photo.

Back at the house, the girls get their Tyra Mail, while Heather calls dibs on the shower. After they learn learn it's something about "the heat is on," Lisa and Saleisha make a beeline for the shower. And this causes Heather to freak the fuck out. Like, it's clear she's had a rough morning, but even I have to say she's being a bit harsh. Regardless, she gets into the shower with the girls while yelling at them, and it's a hot mess. Anywho, we'll get to that later.

Next the girls are dropped off in a "desert" in the "middle of nowhere." Which probably means it's like 2 miles from Burbank. OJ comes up to meet them, and takes them to the shoot. For this photo shoot they will each be portraying a woman who has had her car break down and apparently set on fire, although tame enough that it doesn't explode. Or something. Whatever - the point is showing desperation. Hair and makeup time!

OJ is happy with Bianca, but can tell that Heather is off her game. Chantal tries to avoid a wardrobe malfunction, while Saleisha has to stop being so posey. Ambreal, well, take a guess. Jenah rocks it out. Lisa seems scattered.

Back at the house, the girls, in a surprisingly rational way, confront Heather about her earlier freak out. She protests that she had a bad day, and the girls just don't understand. But Ambreal pipes up and is like, uh-uh, if ANYONE has a right to complain about having hard times in this competition, it's me. True that. So it all boils down to the girls saying that Heather has to not let the tough days turn her into a raging bitch. I think that they get that she is challenged socially, so they want to be a bit more supportive than if this same freak out had come from, say, Bianca.

Panel! Prizes, judges. Guest judge is the Elite's Mr. West clone. While introducing the judges, it's freaky, because it's like a Chinese dragon is popping up on the screen a couple times in the back. Honestly, I thought I was hallucinating. In fact, ScottE and I rewinded it to see if we were both seeing the same mirage. Turns out it was a wink and a nod, because out trots a big ol' dragon. Tyra goes into a dumb little sketch, but the point is (if you haven't guessed by now), the girls are going to China! Awesome. They completely wig out. But it's more harsh than other seasons - this time they announced it just before an elimination. Ouch. Anyway, it's onto the photos.

Ambreal's shot is terrible. She just sits cross-legged, looking grumpy. I'm sure she's a nice girl and all, but this just ain't her bag.

Bianca is definitely looking pissed off and strong. A bit masculine for my taste, but it's certainly well done.

Chantal has unquestionably her best photo so far, getting a nice sunbeam on her face while showing off the outfit to nice effect.

Heather's is pretty good, although once Ms. J says she looks like she has to pee, I couldn't think of anything else. Certainly not her best. (But loads better than a certain girl whose name rhymes with "sangreal.")

Jenah's shot is just...OK, I'm going to say it. Jenah is my new favorite. She is just taking INCREDIBLE shots week after week. This one is no exception, as her hair is wild and loose, while she shows off her dress really well. I love you, Bug Eyes!

Lisa has an interesting shot, where she sits on a piece of luggage. There's something about it I like, although Ms. J once again points out correctly that her posture makes the dress look shapeless, and she's not showing off her long limbs.

Saleisha is kind of the dark horse of the competition, as her photos are quietly improving each week. For some reason this shot reminds me of Rihanna's "Shut Up & Drive" video, which makes no sense, but whatever. It's a good song!

The judges deliberate. They still love Heather even if the shot isn't her best. Nigel is starting to love Saleisha's presence at panel. Tyra thinks Chantal looks like Cheryl Teigs. True, if Chantal got much bigger boobies. In a close-up shot, I notice that Bianca's eyelashes are casting an unflattering shadow on her nose.

7 beautiful girls, but only 6 are going to China (hence, the photos in her hands). First photo goes to...Bianca. Which, OK. I totally would have picked Jenah, but I will say Bianca is improving. Next, the photos go to Jenah, Saleisha, Chantal and Heather. Heather is on the verge of tears. Will Lisa and Ambreal step forward?

Lisa, the judges think you are declining. Ambreal, they think you're pretty and all, but...oh who are we kidding. Ain't no way they were going to let the girl they tried to eliminate two weeks ago have the chance to go to China. Photo goes to Lisa.

Ambreal takes it in stride. Lisa cries.

Next week - China! China is the new black. But not lead-based black paint. Also there will be Cover Girl commercials. Hey, at least they won't have to do it in Chinese! (That's a vague reference to the Japan hijinks of an earlier season.)

I'll be back tomorrow with your first Project Runway recap of the season. Woot! But if you want to read up now, check out Barbie's post!