Back to Basics

Oy! What a stressful couple of weeks. No need to go into detail, let's just say it's a whole lot of, "Thank goodness THAT'S over."

It's been so busy I haven't been able to keep up with my entertainment either! No movies, no plays, not even an art show. All I've been able to do is catch a bit of basic TV via the wonders of TiVo.

Well, not always a "wonder." I discovered that conscious human input helps make TiVo work better. Case in point - the machine isn't able to anticipate I want a season pass to The Amazing Race if I don't tell it so. And it won't know that CBS + football = consistently late airings. Translation: I have only seen 30 minutes of TAR so far! Sucktitude. So I can't catch you up. Suffice it to say, some couple is awful to each other, and old people don't last long.

Also in reality news, I did try the premiere of Survivor. (What? I told you to tell me not to, and you didn't.) It was totally the same old thing, nothing has changed. Even the sight of a gay crush and men doing yoga in their underwear wasn't enough to keep me watching.

But there is a beacon of hope in the darkness - How I Met Your Mother, which is still very, very funny! Thankfully Ted came to his senses and came around to the idea that New Jersey is a lovely place. In fact, I am proud to say that whenever we go up to the Big Apple, we always stay in the uncrowded pleasant shores of Jersey. Robin going overseas? Unacceptable!

Top Model recap - Isis is gone! Sad. Clark is gone and no one cares. Lauren Brie? Guaranteed that she peaked too early. My pick to win is Sheena. And can I say that this past week's photo shoot was a bizarre concept? At least a couple photos were stunning.

©2008 Pottle Productions Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Project Runway - Kenley is a self-absorbed whiny bitch. And now everyone knows it! I still am going with my original prediction, that Korto wins.

That's enough for now - I'll try to get out of the house more and do something interesting!

The Universal Truths of Reality Shows

First here's an extremely brief recap so you're all caught up on America's Next Top Model and Project Runway.

On Top Model, there was a question if Hannah might be a racist. Maybe she is, but the girls handled it poorly. Eventually Nikeysha's yammering butt was sent home, and Lauren Brie suddenly leaped to the front of the class with a stunning photo.

Then this week the girls had makeovers which were nice, but Elina cried over her big puffy red weave curls. But she rocked the photo shoot, so she's over it. Brittany was nothing more than pretty (according to the judges, to me she was mannish) and was sent home.

Meanwhile at Parson's, two designers were eliminated last week, one of whom was Terri which really threw off my predictions. She also was suddenly a mean, bitter person, so I guess I didn't see that coming. Tanerexia also went home FINALLY. And then this week the designers made over college graduates, and Joe was finally sent home as I predicted.

Anywho, while watching these episodes, I verbalized to ScottE that there are some things that are very predictable on these shows. And he was (I think) impressed when I was proven right. It's like when he predicts how a movie is going to end, and I'm all, "Did you write the script?" So I thought it was time I shared this knowledge with you, gentle readers. Memorize these rules and astound your friends! You'll be a hit at your next TV-watching party.

I am going to focus mainly on competitive reality shows, as they are what interests me. But if you've found some similar rules for other types, please feel free to share them!

The Universal Truths of Reality Shows

1. The first person to be interviewed in a given episode is going to be either the winner that week or the one to go home.

Some shows are better about this than others. On Runway, for example, they will sometimes throw in other contestants commenting on their fortunes the prior week. But Top Model is the most egregious, and quite predictable with this.

2. Any contestant who laments that he misses his family will be going home to see them the same week.

There are a few sub-truths here. If said contestant calls a member of her family in the same episode, she is toast for sure. Examples for Runway this season - Stella and Joe. If, however, you see multiple contestants missing home, then you can expect a challenge or reward that involves loved ones from home. Survivor is famous for this. You'll also see it happen if The Amazing Race does the "phone your family" thing.

3. If a contestant says something hypocritical, expect the editors to show the evidence in the same episode.

This week's Runway was a good example. Kenley? I'd like you to meet Kettle. Neither of you can translate your style to different looks!

4. The biggest bitch or asshole will do several interviews in which she/he claims that, "I'm not here to make friends."

You can actually see a hilarious compilation clip of this on YouTube.



5. If a contestant has some disease or other sad story, he/she will mention it in an interview at least every other week, even when it's not relevant.

Top Model is famous for that. Like did you know that Heather had Asperger's? Or that Isis was born in the wrong body?

6. Mentioning that you think another player is "hot" or "cute" in an interview guarantees that you will at least make out. And alcohol will probably be involved.

Elina and Clark. 'Nuff said.

7. Karmic payback is guaranteed.

If you screw someone over, it will come to light, and you will get your comeuppance. Example - any team that used the Yield on any recent season of The Amazing Race.

8. Early success means a premature exit.

If a girl is "a natural" the first few weeks of Top Model, her chance of making it to the end is slim at best (watch out, Lauren Brie). Similarly, the winner of the first challenge in Runway is only going to see Bryant Park from across the street. Kelli? Gone. Even Daniel of the nice blue cup dress - gone.

9. There is a yin cast for every yang.

Let's use Big Brother as an example. If there's a gay man in the house, then there will also be a homophobe who may not immediately appear to be thus. Or look at Top Model last week - by having possibly insensitive Hannah, that means we have to have some equally insensitive sistahs. Brittany loves her mom, but Elina hates hers.

10. Forcing people to team up is designed to maximize drama.

Typical of this rule are the Runway team challenges - for every team that has good mojo, another will fight like cats and dogs. The Race has caught onto this trend with their odd Intersection challenges. Even on Top Model last season the girls teamed up to do go-sees with the most dysfunctional girls all together.


So those are the truths - what do you think? Tune in next Wednesday to Top Model and Project Runway, and see if I'm right!

Fall TV Preview

Although the CW got a bit of a jump on the other networks, the fall TV season starts in earnest around the end of the month through early October. So that means it's the time of year for me to look at my weekly viewing plan for new and returning shows. Here's how things look to be shaping up for me after checking out Entertainment Weekly's preview issue.


SUNDAY

This is an easy day to figure out - keep watching animation on Fox. That means The Simpsons, American Dad, Family Guy, and King of the Hill. That means watching The Amazing Race on tape delay at 10, or maybe the other way around depending on how good a season it is (MORE hippies? Not promising.). I also may try a taped viewing of CW's Valentine, where a family of Greek gods live in Los Angeles. I'm a sucker for anything with mythological characters, so it deserves at least one look.


MONDAY

As much as I tried to resist it, The Big Bang Theory really picked up steam with Penny facing off against Sheldon, so I'll keep watching. How I Met Your Mother should really start off strong - imagine all the laughs to be milked from Robin and Barney doing it! HIMYM is definitely the show I'm most looking forward to having back in my life. Although it really tanked last season, I have heard so much talk about a Heroes revitalization that I'm going to give it at least a temporary reprieve. As for CBS's new comedy Worst Week, I think I'll let the jury (i.e. critics and viewers) give it a try first and let me know.


TUESDAY

With nothing at all on my plate for this day, I am going to try the premiere of Fringe. It's the newest drama from J.J. Abrams, which means my chances of liking it are automatically better than even. It may be too creepy/scary for my tastes, but we'll see. Beyond that, I'm holding out for the return of Reaper mid-season.


WEDNESDAY

Project Runway is drawing to a close, and America's Next Top Model is just starting up. On top of those, we'll be taping Pushing Daisies, which is a show I'm sad dropped off our schedule last year. ScottE may yet convince me to start watching Dirty Sexy Money. And perhaps in reruns I'll watch some of The New Adventures of Old Christine, which is usually fun, and has a "marriage of convenience" subplot happening this year.


THURSDAY

NBC's comedies are generally something I'll watch, but catch in reruns if I miss them - The Office especially. Kath & Kim is one that I'll be trying out, because I love Molly Shannon. I also love Niecy Nash, so at least one episode of Do Not Disturb will be on my schedule. I really, really don't want to get back on the Survivor bandwagon (I stopped watching after the first All-Star season), but they are trying to lure me back with the siren song of another season in Africa! Convince me to stay away, people!


FRIDAY

This is never a good night for TV, so I applaud ABC's decision to move Supernanny here. It's just the right show for that slot, because I don't care if I watch it several days late. Fridays are also a good day to catch up on other shows that we've taped (like those from my super-packed Wednesdays).


SATURDAY

If we're home? It's Netflix night.

So that's the plan for me. What will you be watching? What are you most looking forward to? And where on this schedule do you think I've missed the boat?

On a side note, I know I haven't mentioned Lost, which we know won't be back until mid-season at the earliest, as will Battlestar Galactica. They're going to be my "clear everything from my schedule" shows when they do return!

Amazing in Anchorage

At long last, The Amazing Race has come to an end. And for once, the finale had not a single team that was completely detestable. That was because shrieking harpy Jennifer and her not-cursing partner Nate were eliminated. On her birthday. Ha! I think it was payback for the dumbasses saying they were looking forward to eating "all that great Thai food" in Taiwan.

Thus we were left with 3 teams racing to the finale. Nate and his grandfather Don have been pretty cool, although a bit dull for my taste. But Don is the oldest person ever to complete the race, and that's impressive. They came in 3rd place, because Nate committed the age-old sin of not reading a clue properly in the final destination city of Anchorage.

Our runners-up were Ron & Christina. She's certainly been a trooper, putting up with her father's highly inappropriate browbeating for weeks. But it does appear (at least from the editing) that he got better once they left India, and maybe he really learned something about parenting. One would hope that when he's seen the broadcasts, he'll really come to understand how bad his behavior had been.

But our winners were TK & Rachel! Their good attitude and supportive partnership helped them survive a Speed Bump along the way (a fate that those loveable goths couldn't overcome) in the previous leg. And it was Rachel's calm and rational thinking that led her to solve a diabolic final puzzle, giving her team the edge to make it to the finish. After such a horrid "All-Stars" season, it was great to see the nice guys actually finish first. Considering I was fond of them even at the start of the race, it's a bit of a miracle!

Pronounce it Correctly and Win a Prize

The last couple weeks on The Amazing Race have highlighted some things I love most about the show, but also some that I like least.

First, the bad. While unpleasant "dating couples" are able to bicker their way to avoiding elimination, older folks rarely do well on The Race. And so sadly, we had to bid farewell to our lovely lesbian ministers. But they have forever won a place in my heart for uttering this line, "We are religious people, but we have no illusions that God cares whether or not we win The Amazing Race." THANK YOU. Could you please tell that to, I don't know, EVERY OTHER REALITY SHOW CONTESTANT...EVER?!?!? Listen to your elders, people.

And, the ugly. Not only were we forced to bear witness to Christina's father turning from super supportive to browbeating in approximately 1/10th an episode, but we also had to suffer through Lorena. Because Lorena, she is having a meltdown. A really bad meltdown. Like the kind many racers face on about leg 10, or somewhere in India. But Lorena? She freaks out over a camel on just leg 3. (Anyone else thinking a degree in Animal Husbandry would have come in very handy this season?) Ugh. She is so distasteful.

But not even Lorena could get eliminated. Instead we discover that the team I keep forgetting is on the race is sent home instead. Good-bye, sisters I...sorry, already forgot them again.

Despite all this, there were bright moments which warm my heart and make me love the show again. We began this past week's episode with the teams discovering that they would be flying to Ouagadougou. Which leads to about 10 different pronunciations from the teams, not a one of which is right. (Hey, even I had to pay attention to Phil for this one.) Ouagadougou is the capital of the West African nation of Burkina Faso - formerly known as Upper Volta for you geography nerds.

Also this week, the staff created what I have to say is one of my favorite Detour challenges of all time. The choices - Teach or Learn. The teams could either teach a set of 10 chosen nouns to one of the local schoolchildren in the town of Bingo (hee!), using picture flash cards. Or conversely, they could learn 10 nouns in the native language, being taught by one of the children. They then have to sit for a test in front of the schoolteacher. You see, this is just gold. We get shots of adorable children. It's a chance to share across cultural boundaries. And neither task is clearly an easier choice - they both were tough. For example, the children don't use some of the same consonant sounds like we do, so a word like "skyscraper" was a real challenge. And the native words can be just as tough for Americans. Fun! Personally I would have chosen to learn, because how could I pass up the chance to learn how to say "tree" and "fish" in an African dialect?

Now that we're 3 weeks into it, who am I pulling for? I have to tell you - it's still the goths! Kynt and Vyxsin have been racing admirably with a minimum of drama. And their gender roles...well, let's just say they're a bit flexible. The siblings aren't too bad, although they are a bit too analytical and intense for me to warm up to them. Nicolas and his granddad are holding up pretty well. I feel like Grandpa Donald reminds me of someone. Maybe it's Rudy from the original Survivor? Anywho, he stripped down to his skivvies for those of you that are into that kind of thing.

Next week - something about chickens. Again, I say - veterinary medicine degree - very handy!

Coming up this week before Thanksgiving - recaps for both Top Model and Project Runway. Y'all come back soon, y'hear?

The Race - Amazing Once Again

Despite being a bit delayed, The Amazing Race premiere was a return to what we love most about the show. Rapid action, gorgeous vistas, and heartwarming human moments. The Race is back, baby! So why don't we meet the teams, briefly:

The Dysfunctional Couples - Every season we must be subjected to some "dating couples" who are under some delusion that putting their lives on public display will somehow solidify their commitment. And it never works. This year we suffer through Nathan & Jennifer and Lorena & Jason. The latter is far worse - he's a jerk (and unfortunately kinda hot), and she's a shrew. Jason isn't awful, although it's clear he doesn't like to admit he's wrong. Lorena is far too high-strung.

The Functional Couples - To balance the above, we are lucky if we get at least one couple that shows how it's done right. This sason, it appears we will get two. First we have TK (of the dreadlocks? Braids? Twists?) & Rachel, who are actually quite lovely and that seems to help them do well. Perhaps most surprising is that the Goth couple - Kynt & Vyxsin, are not only quite normal in behavior, but are rather charming as well. If one of this season's messages is, "Goths are people too," then I think it's working. On me, at least. Although I have to say - when she puts on her glasses? Not so goth.

The Families - This season we get not 1, but 4 familial teams. We have a highly competitive but not unlikeable (yet) sibling duo - Azaria (no relation to Hank) & Hendekea. Also there is the father-daughter duo of Ronald & Christina - he wants to make up for lost time, she wants to show him what a strong woman she is. Aren't they sweet? And then we have Donald & Nicolas - a grandfather and his grandson. Hard to tell much about them yet except that grandad curses. And finally we have Marianna & Julia, the Latina sisters from Miami. Quite honestly, I found them forgettable. In fact, I typed this whole post before I realized I forgot them and went back to write them in.

The Gay - Twice the gay, twice the fun? Not really. First we have Staella and Ari - a hag and her bitchy gay. Ladies - if you have a gay, make sure he's fun gay, not bitchy evil gay. And I know you think I'm gonna be biased towards the lesbian clergy couple, but they are so adorable! Nothing is better than lesbians who are good with God and also just a little bit wicked. I predict that Kate in particular will be able to charm the pants off people in any country.

The Blondes - This year we have no twins, so that means we must have blondes. Shana & Jennifer I think are set up to be our "girls like Paris Hilton" team as their pre-race interview indicates that they can't wait to win the "$1 million shopping spree." Indeed. But they do appear to have a dose of humility, which isn't bad.

We began the race this year in Los Angeles (boring!), but the teams flew onto Shannon, Ireland (been there!). From there they went on to explore the Aran Islands and the Connemara area - rugged beauty at its finest.

As is the custom in the premiere, we have much ado about nothing for awhile, until the teams are really weeded out into a few clear groups by virtue of a charter schedule. We also feature the death-defying stunt - this time something bizarre. Bicycles on high wires, while the partner rides in a chair below as a counterweight. Scary/fun!

And as poetic justice, the teams have to haul ass. Or more precisely, move a donkey. And because karma knows what's what, the most bitchy/evil folks get stubborn mules, while the teams that kill with kindness are blessed with willing workers. Perhaps because of Pat's spiritual blessing, Nate & Jennifer finally get their ass' butt in gear and are saved elimination, while Ari & Staella just stand around being bitchy. They're gone, and by the time you read this, I'll have forgotten they were on the show.

Good times! I'm glad to have this show back in full swing, and I hope that it continues this way. Here's hoping we're not faced with a final 3 of evil!

Next week - can father and daughter work out their problems on national TV? And should grandfathers mud wrestle?

You're So Amazing

In case you hadn't heard, CBS swiftly canceled a really bad show. And as if that wasn't already good enough news, it also means they had an opening in their schedule. Waiting in the wings and ready to step into the limelight? The Amazing Race! (Yes, I'm excited. I got over the trauma of the horrific "All-Stars" season.)

You can go and check out the teams for season 12, and make your own pre-judgements. We have the usual suspects - potentially bickering couples, a parent/child team, siblings, a bitchy gay, and pretty blondes. But we also have an unusual Goth couple, scary-looking hair (TK - they're called scissors) and the first ever grandfather/grandson team! As if that weren't enough, we also have a lesbian couple that are both Episcopal clergy - which should be interesting considering all the recent controversy that church has faced concerning gay folk. Intriguing!

And there are more bizarre names in one place than I've seen in a long time. Wish me luck in having to type names like Hendekea and Vyxsin over and over!

And for you die-hard Race fans, check out Television Without Pity's analysis of what one recapper thinks are the 10 best episodes of all time. Ah, memories!

Falling Down For Fall TV

Woot! It's almost time for the fall TV season! And thanks to Entertainment Weekly's fall TV preview, I've decided on my tentative plan for what I'll be watching. As is my custom, I'll be trying out a few new shows to see if I can discover a new obsession. That's what I did in the cases of Heroes and Lost, and look at them now!

So here it is, my plan. But I'll keep an open mind, you never know what buzz might sway my mind!

SUNDAY

Still a virtual wasteland, at least I can count on The Simpsons and King of the Hill for laughs. But I will need to try out Viva Laughlin. At first I thought it was just some Vegas show featuring occasional appearances by Hugh Jackman. But it turns out, it's a MUSICAL. It will be either awesome or tragic. I can hardly wait to find out which. The real question is when the next season of The Amazing Race will start?

MONDAY

Starting the night will be How I Met Your Mother. And thank you, EW for the big spread highlighting the show! Man, it's so good. At 8:30, I'm going to give the CW's Aliens in America a spin. It sounds like an interesting take on the classic fish out of water genre - a Pakistani kid gets plopped down into a midwest school. After that, of course we'll be watching Heroes - anxious to see what's happening with Hiro in feudal Japan!

TUESDAY

Potentially a Netflix night, but I do want to test drive the CW's new show, Reaper. A guy finds out his parents sold his soul to the devil. Now he has to catch escapees from hell. Weird, wild fun, right? Sure, it may have some icky bad guys, but I can't imagine it would be any scarier than Charmed or Buffy. In some ways the lead sounds like he's a pseudo-superhero, and you know I dig that.

WEDNESDAY

As usual, the networks insist on cramming all the juicy stuff on one night. Damn you! As much as I'd like to try out ABC's unusual Pushing Daisies or the potential train wreck of CBS's Kid Nation, you know I'll be strutting the catwalk with America's Next Top Model. After that, I will be crossing my fingers that Private Practice is good stuff. You know I love me some Kate Walsh, and now they have Audra McDonald, whom I adore. And although we must wait until February, Lost will be there. (Although there is a rumor about the show being relocated to Sunday, which is fine by me.) Fortunately, we should have Project Runway coming up in October, which will make life oh-so-sweet.

THURSDAY

Not much on this night, but I'll be alternating between Grey's Anatomy and The Office/Scrubs block. (Watching the latter when the former is in reruns, or if it gets sucky.) The bad news is that NBC is pulling its shows from iTunes, so no more downloading episodes of The Office or Battlestar Galactica (NBC owns the SciFi channel)! It's as if NBC is determined to have me hate them even more. It almost makes me want to avoid My Name Is Earl!

FRIDAY

If we're at home, it's Netflix all the way.

SATURDAY

In case you missed the memo, the networks no longer air original programming on this night (other than Cops - ick). So go outside and party like it's 1999. (Or watch a Netflix movie.)

And that's my plan. Looks like my weekly schedule won't be drastically different than last season, other than a potential show for Tuesdays. Thank goodness we started our Netflix subscription - it's really made life more enjoyable!

It's Over Before It Started

All right, I'm going to make a shocking declaration. Brace yourselves.

I'm not watching the finale of The Amazing Race. For the first time...ever.

Why? Because there isn't a single team I can get behind. With Danny & Oswald's anticlimactic elimination (which was pretty much guaranteed based on the leg set-up), I'm so unhappy with who is left. Charla & Mirna? Self-righteous ugly Americans. Eric & Danielle? This year's very annoying bickering "couple." Dustin & Kandice? Coniving perky blondes with abnormal luck.

I've got two good hours of my life next Sunday. Rest assured I won't be wasting it sitting in front of the TV seeing which of the lesser of three evils wins the "All-Stars" edition of the Race.

See you next season, Phil.

Parrots, Ski Poles, and Aviator Helmets

It's been awhile since I've found a book that I can't put down, but luckily I brought just such a novel with me this past week on a trip. In just a six-hour plane trip, I had devoured all 300 pages.

So I highly recommend to you Lost and Found by Carolyn Parkhurst. This is ideal for you reality-TV fans out there!

The book follows the exploits of contestants on an Amazing Race-type game show who compete in a race around the world, but the rules are a bit more wacky, and the clues are actually cryptic.

But the game is merely the backdrop for Parkhurst's examination of the players' thoughts, motivations and memories as they go on this crazy ride.

It is often funny, at times heartbreaking (I cried once), and tackles complex issues. Can you change your sexual orientation? Can you recapture love from years' past? Are parents really paying enough attention to their children?

Please pick up this wonderful book - I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Out Of Africa, Eventually

This week on The Amazing Race: All-Stars, we had a two-hour episode. And why was that? Because the trailing teams (the Guidos and Eric & Danielle) had such trouble leaving Tanzania that they actually didn't make it to the pit stop before the first team (the beauty queens, surprisingly) was ready to leave for THE NEXT LEG. In other words, they had fallen more than TWELVE HOURS BEHIND. That has never happened in the history of this race. Nuts.

Between all that and some poor production planning (having it turn out to be a non-elimination leg, and then following it up with that stupid-ass Intersection thing), it was a hot mess. Yes, it made for some interesting television. But it ultimately felt unsatisfying, and the Guidos' ultimate exit was anticlimactic.

On the plus side, the Chas were still charming and did well. Dustin really showed some talent at the piano Detour, and I don't think I've ever seen that team so put together. Well done, BQs. And I'm telling you - watch out for Uchenna & Joyce. Once again they are looking like potential stealth winners.

But the story of the week is Mirna's gradual alienation of the human race. First she's harassing a poor Tanzanian travel agent for 7 hours. Then she's yelling at Polish cab drivers who try to get as far away from her as possible. At first I was wondering why the people on the streets of Warsaw were so very unfriendly. Now I suspect they were all suffering from a condition called "Mirna's Karma." Hell, even Charla was sick of her this week.

Bizarro World

Up is down. Right is left. The world has gone topsy-turvy.

I say this, because after watching this week's epsidoe of The Amazing Race, I found myself heartbroken that Teri & Ian were elminated.

Yes, this is the same Teri & Ian who were horrible to each other and everyone else in their own season, and were universally hated. But time changed their attitudes, they seem to have really learned how to treat people (and each other), and they were perfectly nice. Now if only he'd burn that hat...

Meanwhile, perpetual losers Charla & Mirna experienced "the luck of the evil" and finished in first place for the second week running. Seriously, what the hell is up with the universe?

And don't get me started on their accents. Why they think that adopting an Italian accent to speak broken English to residents of Tanzania (where the most common languages are Swahili and Arabic) is beyond me.

Charla! Charlaaaaaaa!!!

The Amazing Race All-Stars continues, and it looks like perhaps we're seeing the chaff being separated from the wheat. Perfectly nice teams with poor racing skills (David & Mary) or lacking the physical fitness they had the first time out (Kevin & Drew) have been eliminated from the race.

All I have to say is I can't wait for them to leave South America. It's grating enough that we have to listen to Charla & Mirna's exaggerated accents (which they use even when speaking to locals in ENGLISH). But it will be welcome to see those two in a country where their knowledge of Spanish won't be an advantage.

And can I point out that I still am not hating on Teri & Ian? What's up with that?

My favorites for the win are still Danny & Oswald. My early prediction is that they'll face off in the finals against Rob & Amber and Uchenna & Joyce.

The Amazing Race - All-Notables

photo couresty of CBS.com

Yeah, let's face it. When a reality show does an "all-stars" edition, it's not like sports where they pick the best players. No, in TV it's the best personalities. And that's what we saw last night on The Amazing Race. Rob & Amber? Uchenna & Joyce? The Guidos? Sure. I mean, they were all top 3 finishers in their seasons. But as much as I loved David & Mary, they finished a ways back.

Still, if you want to see some old friends, you're rewarded. Hey - it's the Frats! (Older, married and fatter, apparently.) Jon Vito & Jill! (What do you MEAN they aren't dating anymore?)

And of course the most ridiculous team is Eric & Danielle, who didn't race on the same team originally, but "fell in love" after their season. Uh huh. I give it 3 legs in this season. One needle-in-the-haystack Roadblock and they're toast.

As for the show itself, I just really wish it had been 2 hours. When the premiere races by (no pun intended), it's hard to get a handle on the teams when there are so many of them. I wanted a bit more time to ease into things, and see how these teams that know each other previously would react now that they were competing.

That aside, kudos to Romber for winning the leg. They were efficient as usual, but I could really do without all the self-promoting mugging. A little humility goes a long way, kids. Take a tip from Danny & Oswald, who raced really well and still have retained all their season 2 charm. LOVE THEM! I want them to win.

Most surprising? Not loathing Teri & Ian yet. He was...normal? It was very confusing.

Also, Uchenna & Joyce? It's called ADOPTION. Look into it. You have a million bucks, for pity's sake.

And let's all weep over the far-too-early exit of team JVJ. I adored them in their season, and was most looking forward to seeing them again in All-Stars. Damn those massive Ecuadorian parks with entrances that are miles away from each other!

Next week, I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that Charla will say that people underestimate her.

Why The Amazing Race is Still Awesome

Another week gone, and lots happening on TV. Not all of it that great. Indeed, many of my favorite shows have been a little lackluster of late. But I keep the faith! And therefore, I present to you a series entitled "Why [This Show] is Still Awesome." First, I'll start with The Amazing Race. Enjoy!

Why The Amazing Race is Still Awesome

1. No reality show on network TV has ever explored far-off places like this show has. Already this season the contestants have been to such exciting places as Mauritius and Madagascar.

2. Phil. When he's dressed properly, he remains the sexiest host ever.

3. Open hearts and open minds. Yes, I'm sad that David and Mary were eliminated before their time. But they still represent all that is good about the race.

4. The producers continue to look for ways to fine-tune the race. They've done away with the stupid "give up all your belongings" thing, and this past week tried the intriguing new Intersection.

5. The best editors in reality TV work on this show. The comb countless hours of raw footage to put together an exciting hour, often juxtaposing things that are both surpising and hilarious.

Hey, this sampan ain't no junk

I really enjoyed (parts of) this week's episode of The Amazing Race. It had all the drama, tension, and place shifting that makes this show great. Not to mention raising new levels of understanding.

Rob & Kimberly ratcheted up the bickering couple critical mass, and it was interesting to see that they are equally bitter and hateful to each other (and certain, as they call it, "foreigners").

I'm going to give Lyn and Karlyn a pass this week, as their struggles really seemed to be about being really tired and struggling against the elements. It was good to see Karlyn capitalize on her experience at the Great Wall to power through the Roadblock.

Peter? Hmm...let me think of just the right word to describe him. Insufferable? Hypocrite? How about I just settle on HUGE FLAMING A-HOLE. Ah, that's it.

Oh my models, how you have fallen? It's called caring for and reading your clues. You would think after riding both a junk and a sampan, they'd know the difference. I'm happy they're still in it, but they need to turn on their "A game."

David & Mary - how I love thee! David powers through a Roadblock. Mary makes friends (and flirts?) with Vietnamese men. And despite their difficulties, they pull it together and land firmly in 5th place. Hooray! Do they bicker? Yes. But they bicker in the "been married for years and this is a stressful situation" versus Rob & Kimberly's "still dating and should have broken up a year ago."

Next week - um...I don't remember actually. But let's wish them luck if it's the dreaded intense India leg.

In TAR-related news, Jonathan & Victoria who ruined their season for all of us just had a baby. "Spawn of Satan" seems to be an appropriate phrase.

John McCain is such a celebrity

No really! He's a prominent figure in this week's episode of The Amazing Race. Seriously!

Once again CBS was "the suck" airing TAR thirty minutes late. Can't wait until football season is over, as it's interfering with my regular TV schedule!

Checking back in with our teams, we see that Rob & Kimberly are keeping up the bitchy couple quotient that we're so used to from previous seasons. The beauty queens continue to surprise, being pretty good racers and tough girls. If the final challenge is to answer a question in an isolation booth, they are GOLDEN!

Still loving on David & Mary - when they argue it's pretty innocent, and they are really getting a lot out of this experience. They really represent all this show aspires to be - people broadening their worldview. Awesome.

Meanwhile, Lyn & Karlyn need to dial down the tragic bitching and moaning. No amount of sobbing at the end of the leg is going to make me suddenly like them again. Get with it, ladies!

And Peter? Is a jerk, creepy, and stupid. I would like Sarah more if she got rid of those ridiculous sunglasses.

The goal is Mongolia

Due to some technical difficulties (or to put it succintly - "CBS sucks"), my wonderful TiVo missed the last part of The Amazing Race on Sunday. So unfair! I had to resort to reading about it online today.

Thus I don't have a lot to say today. But I'm happy to report that the beauty queens are still pleasant (if a tad forgetful), and David and Mary seem to like everyone. And although I don't know exactly how it happened (something about flaming arrows), the cheerleaders were eliminated. I'm envisioning that they hit the mat and screamed, "Gimme a B-O-O!"

This week's leg took place mostly in Mongolia, which is a new country for the show and thus cool in my book. What have we learned about it? Apparently that the hooved creatures have minds of their own.

So stay tuned for next week, when we will hopefully be able to talk about it more! (Anyone see the ending that can give a little commentary?)

Cha-Cha and China

Well week 1 of season premieres has passed, and so let me discuss them! First up we have Dancing with the Stars. I wondered if the bloom would be off this rose, but clearly it's not. It was still great fun. Seeing people doing elegant and romantic dances on TV is still a thrill for me. Shut up! That doesn't make me a dork, it just makes me CULTURED.

There is a bevy of stars this year that range from B-list (Vivica Fox) to "Who's that?" (Shanna Moakler). This first week the women danced the Foxtrot, and the men did the Cha-Cha.

Some real pleasant surprises and strong contenders emerged. Emmitt Smith (NFL star) had great charisma, solid rhythm, and a surprising dexterity. I'm willing to bet he had some ballet training back when he played football! He was by far the best - so adorable! Also impressive were Vivica Fox (sleek in a purple gown) and Mario Lopez (could he BE anymore gay?). The judges also liked Joey Lawrence, but I thought he was just OK. (And what's with the shaved head? I swear, I'm expecting any minute he's going to change his name to Joseph Lawrence, a'la Deborah Gibson.)

Jerry Springer will be filling the "suave old guy" role this season. He was actually not terrible.

But there was some bad stuff out there. Harry Hamlin (who should have learned something from wife Lisa Rinna last season) was stiff as the Tin Man. Sara Evans was pretty dull. The worst, though, was Tucker Carlson, and he received the much-deserved boot the next evening. I guess America likes their conservative pundits on news programs and not the dance floor. Also if I may be catty for a moment, Tucker has tucked away one too many cream puffs, if you catch my drift, and I think you do.

Meanwhile, last night was the exciting premiere to The Amazing Race! As soon as it started I got a little giddy and forgot how much I missed it. I think the ending last season was so disappointing for me I needed to fall in love again. Done!

One thing I love about the casting this time around is they took the opposite approach from Survivor - there are plenty of people from various ethnic groups, but they all just get to interact on their own. Novel, no? So here's a rundown of the teams as I see them so far:

Bilal and Sa'eed are best friends and devout Muslims (longish beards and all). Bilal is a bit louder and more aggressive. They mention that they will stop to do their prayers daily, which you could see would be risky race strategy, but you can admire their devotion.

David and Mary - oh my. Well, they (on the surface) could appear to represent the redneck population. He's a coal miner, she's the supposedly submissive wife. Biggest issue for me with these two is their teeth! Pretty scary. I found myself hoping a challenge would involve seeing a foreign dentist for a cleaning.

Duke is the father of Lauren. They had been estranged because she came out to him as a lesbian. But they are rebuilding their relationship, and how better to do that than travel the world together?

Dustin is a woman and the reigning Miss California. Her friend is Kandice, the reigning Miss New York (and a Rockette). They are very blond and smile a lot.

Erwin and Godwin are Asian-American brothers from California. They are both Ivy League educated.

Friends Kellie and Jamie are cheerleaders, and reinforce quite a few stereotypes from the get-go. I'm waiting for when they land on the mat and do a cheer - "P-H-I-L spells PHIL!!!"

Lyn and Karlyn (that could get confusing) are African-American single moms and friends. They are a bit too grumpy and angry this early on for my taste.

Peter and Sarah have a rather odd relationship. She was born with one very short leg, so she wears a prosthesis. He's her clinical prosthetist. And they recently started dating. It really sounds like she's more into him than the other way around. We shall see.

Rob and Kimberly are my least favorite type of couple on this show - the ones that aren't sure if they should get married - so they go on a high-pressure reality show. Brilliant, no?

Tom and Terry are gay boyfriends from New York City and they also are enforcing some stereotypes, as their introduction shows them getting manicures. As long as neither of them screams "Mother!" and throws confetti, I guess we'll be OK.

Tyler and James are pretty boy models, but they originally met because they were drug addicts in recovery. Now they are friends. So expect them to tell you constantly how they have overcome so much.

Vipul and Arti are the other married couple and are Indian-American. They are pleasant and non-threatening. She is gorgeous.

So...on with the Race! This season they began in Seattle and made their way to Beijing. It's surprising how hard it was for many of them to find the airport. I can tell you from being there that although Seattle is pretty big, there is like one main highway, and it runs right through the middle of town, so it's not hard to find. At the airport, everyone is surprisingly very nice to each other! We do learn that although Bilal is friendly, he can't shake a woman's hand because of his religion. You'd think that would have off-put Kellie, but she was very good-natured about it. What's with these people? Where's the indignation? (Not that she SHOULD be upset, it's just odd to find a reality show contestant to be so open-minded.)

Ah, indignation of another kind shows up in China, where Karlyn is irritated with Sarah - one minute she plays up her disability (like in getting a cab), other times she's "just like anyone else." Although Karyln is rather bitchy about it, she has a point, and you can see Sarah acting like that throughout the episode.

Speaking of Sarah, she runs into a major snag right away - her artifical knee is leaking hydraulic fluid. Where does one buy that in Beijing?

At the start, Phil warned that there would be twists, turns and surprises. Boy, was he not kidding. At the end of the first day, the last one to arrive was eliminated, even though it wasn't a pit stop! Sadly that ends up being Bilal and Sa'eed, so we won't get to see them anymore. I was definitley disappointed.

The girly-girls performed pretty strongly, which is nice to see. Although the beauty queens had a real struggle finding the restaurant for the first Roadblock. The place was called "Gold House," and they run around all over asking people where it is. ScottE and I joked that asking for a Chinese restaurant with Gold in the name is like finding a needle in a haystack - Gold Chopstick, Golden Bowl, Golden Wall...

What was most surprising was how David and Mary got along very well with the other teams, and were not really annoying! Sure, they bickered a bit. But I was happy to see that I wanted them to do well! Go Kentuckians!

And can we just say - scaling the Great Wall of China? Sign me up!

Sadly at the end there was another elimination, and Vipul and Arti were the victims after it took them far too long to find a pedi-cab station. They were good and drama-free about it.

So that's the fate of this Race - you never know who will do well and who won't! I guess I'm just hoping that this isn't another season where the final teams are people that are pretty and young (e.g. Tyler and James).

Next week - fun with hooved animals!

Also a programming note - for some reason Project Runway will not have a new episode this week. I know - I'm sad, too! But I guess that means I can put my focus on the Top Model premiere.

Hey, it wasn't that amazing

So let's have a brief rundown of The Amazing Race season finale, shall we? WARNING - I'm going to be very opinionated and you might not agree with me. Comments are welcome!

1. Like several finales in the past, the teams managed to stay so close to each other that it really all came down to one challenge. That's right - 1 hour and 45 minutes of build-up that's all for naught. But you can't really blame the producers much for that.

2. The final challenge - knowing country flags. Really? Are you kidding me? It was almost as lame as the totem pole challenge that ended season 3. Boo! (And who knew the hardest one for them would be Russia?)

3. I was a little astounded to find out that I was hoping that BJ would screw up. Which means Eric & Jeremy would have won. I know! I was confused. I guess it was that I knew I wasn't really going to be happy either way. Which leads me to my next point...

4. What the heck was Ray & Yolanda's problem? Every time they'd leave at the same time, R & Y would end up behind. Bad map-reading? Asking for directions too many times? Who knows - their poor performance in the final leg will forever remain a mystery.

5. When the hippies won, was I the only one that thought BJ looked a little psychotic? Like he might have been having an out-of-body experience? Weird.

On the whole I found the finale to be rather dull and obviously I wasn't happy with how it ended. I've declared it the worst ending to a good season since the show started. Hopefully things will improve next season. You can do it CBS! Give us a good cast and good drama all the way to the end.

The good news? CBS has moved TAR to Sundays this fall. That will relieve a lot of my Wednesday night crunch, and considering Grey's Anatomy is moving also (to Thursdays), I had the night open anyway.

So we'll see each other this fall, when we all hope Phil will not be wearing an ugly sweater and pleated pants!